Have you ever had that nagging feeling that someone isn’t being completely straight with you? Maybe their story sounds perfect. Too perfect. Perhaps something in their words just doesn’t sit right, even though you can’t quite put your finger on what it is.
The truth is, lying is far more common than most people realize. We’re surrounded by deception daily, often in ways we don’t even notice. While detecting dishonesty isn’t an exact science, research into language patterns has revealed something fascinating. When people lie, they tend to rely on specific verbal phrases and patterns. These linguistic tells aren’t foolproof, yet they appear consistently enough that researchers have identified distinct markers that signal when someone might not be telling you the whole truth.
So let’s dive into the hidden language of deception. Here are seven phrases that liars drop into conversation more often than honest people do.
To Be Honest With You
This phrase ranks high among deceptive language patterns because it’s often used as a psychological trick to create a perception of sincerity and openness. Think about it for a moment. If someone is genuinely telling the truth, why would they need to announce it?
Research has shown that honesty is our default setting, and most people tell the truth most of the time, so when someone feels the need to preface their statement with “to be honest,” it could signal they’re straying from that default. The phrase attempts to artificially boost the credibility of what follows. Using words and statements like “honestly” and “I swear to you” could be a sign that a liar is trying a little too earnestly to convince you he’s not lying, and when people use these bolstering statements to emphasize their honesty, there’s a good chance they are hiding something. It’s a verbal smoke screen, designed to distract you from questioning the content of their claim.
That’s About It
The word “about” is a word qualifier, which indicates the speaker has more to say but does not want to elaborate, and if the speaker told the entire story, his or her response would be, “That’s it.” This subtle phrase serves as a conversational escape hatch.
When someone uses this phrase, they’re essentially shutting down the conversation before you can dig deeper. Liars often use summarizing phrases to abruptly end a story because they fear adding contradictory details, they want to close the file on the conversation before you have a chance to ask follow-up questions, and cutting the story short is a defense mechanism to prevent the lie from unraveling. Honest people typically provide information freely because they’re not worried about tripping over their own fabrications. Liars, on the other hand, know that every additional detail is a potential trap.
As Far as I Know
Qualifying phrases like this one are designed to give the speaker wiggle room. Qualifying statements like “The way I see it” give the speaker an out, a way to bend the truth or outright lie without being directly called on it. It creates plausible deniability.
When you hear someone say “as far as I know” or similar hedging statements, they’re setting up a future defense. Meyer cautions against relying too much on this sign, noting that hedged statements aren’t an absolute indicator of deception, but an overuse of such qualifying phrases certainly should raise suspicion that a person isn’t being totally up front with what he or she knows. The occasional qualifier is normal. We all have imperfect memories. Yet if someone repeatedly uses these escape phrases throughout a conversation, they might be constructing a narrative they can later revise without technically admitting they lied.
Why Would I Do That?
Answering a question with a question is a huge red flag indicating the possibility of deception, as honest people make direct denials, typically responding “I didn’t do that,” while deceptive people are evasive, and when caught off guard, they need extra time to think of a believable response, with a response like “Why would I do that?” buying the deceptive person precious time to formulate such a response.
This deflection tactic flips the script entirely. The accused may subtly try to turn the tables on his or her accuser, putting the questioner on the defensive, with the unspoken words of the accused being “How dare you accuse me,” prompting the accuser to justify his or her accusations, and in doing so, the accused buys time to press a counterattack or prepare a believable story. It’s a clever psychological maneuver designed to make you feel guilty for even asking. Truthful people don’t need these theatrical defenses. They simply state what happened and move on.
I Don’t Remember
Memory lapses happen to everyone. Nobody has perfect recall of every moment. However, when this phrase becomes a convenient refrain, especially about significant events, it raises questions.
Selective memory loss can be a protective shield for liars. Research found that differences between truthful and deceptive statements in admission of lack of memory reached the significance level. If someone claims they can’t remember specific details that would either confirm or contradict their story, they might be avoiding the risk of being caught in a provable lie. The phrase becomes particularly suspicious when paired with other deceptive indicators. Someone might remember intricate, favorable details but suddenly develop amnesia when asked about uncomfortable specifics.
Prove It
The word “prove” suggests that evidence exists to verify the supposition or accusation posited, but the speaker failed to discover the hidden proof, and honest people do not think in terms of proof because they know that no evidence exists since they did not do what the speaker accused, while deceptive people know proof of their deception exists but the speaker has not yet discovered sufficient evidence to support the accusation.
This aggressive challenge is actually a confession wrapped in defiance. When someone immediately demands that you prove your suspicions, they’re acknowledging that evidence could theoretically exist. An innocent person typically responds with confusion or indignation, not a legalistic demand for proof. Deceivers use less self-reference, talk more about others, or use third-person language when lying in an attempt to remove themselves from the lie they are creating, and deceivers are more negative, as subconsciously they feel guilty, which projects as negativity in their deception. The hostile “prove it” response often masks that underlying guilt and anxiety about being exposed.
Repeating Your Question Back to You
While it’s natural to repeat part of a question, restating the entire question is unnecessary, and liars often repeat a question nearly verbatim as a stalling tactic to give themselves time to formulate an answer. Listen carefully the next time you ask someone a direct question.
For example, if you ask someone, “Did you do it?” and they answer, “Did I do it? Of course not!” there’s a good chance they’re covering something up, and other stalling tactics include asking to have the question repeated, or playing dumb and asking for more information. This verbal delay creates a buffer zone where the liar can construct a plausible response. Truthful people generally answer questions directly because they’re simply recalling what actually happened. They don’t need extra time to invent a convincing narrative because they’re not inventing anything at all.
Conclusion
Detecting lies through language patterns isn’t about catching someone in a single suspicious phrase. There is agreement among researchers that no simple verbal cues to deception detectable by humans have been demonstrated. It’s about recognizing clusters of behaviors that emerge when someone constructs a false reality rather than recalls a true one.
The phrases we’ve explored function as linguistic red flags. When someone repeatedly uses these expressions, especially in combination, you should pay closer attention to what they’re really saying and, perhaps more importantly, what they’re carefully avoiding. Liars avoid specific types of words that would require them to draw distinctions, and according to research, deceptive statements contain fewer “exclusive” words like “but” or “except” because differentiating between what did and didn’t happen is mentally taxing.
Trust your instincts. If something feels off about someone’s story, there’s often a reason for that feeling. These verbal cues exist because lying is cognitively demanding. It requires more mental effort to fabricate and maintain a false narrative than it does to simply tell the truth. So what’s your experience been? Have you noticed these patterns in conversations where you suspected dishonesty?
