Human connections are fascinating puzzles waiting to be solved. Every person you meet carries hidden depths, unspoken dreams, and complex motivations that shape who they are. Yet most of us barely scratch the surface when we interact with others, relying on superficial impressions and quick judgments. The art of truly knowing someone goes far beyond casual conversation and first impressions.
Getting to deeply requires patience, genuine curiosity, and the right approach. It’s about looking beyond the masks people wear and understanding the authentic person underneath. The insights you’ll discover along this journey will transform how you connect with others, deepen your relationships, and even help you understand yourself better. So let’s explore these proven methods that will help you see people for who they truly are.
Watch How They Treat People They Don’t Need
One of the most revealing indicators of someone’s character is how they behave toward people who cannot benefit them. When we are asked to explain patterns of behavior that we see in another person, we typically speculate about the person’s inner patterns of thought and emotion that give rise to the behavior. In fact, a particular pattern of behavior can mean completely different things, depending upon the thoughts and feelings that motivate them.
Pay attention to how they interact with servers, cleaning staff, cashiers, or elderly people. Body language between friends is typically more expressive and informal than body language in business. In casual settings, people display a lack of dominance more casually. Do they maintain the same level of politeness and respect regardless of social status? This reveals their core values and authentic personality more than any charming dinner conversation ever could.
Listen to Their Stories About Conflict
There is nothing more exciting than bonding through challenges. Connecting Deeply Means Talking About Challenges With Others: There is nothing more exciting than bonding through challenges. When someone shares how they handled a disagreement with a colleague, a family dispute, or a difficult situation, you gain incredible insights into their problem-solving style and emotional maturity.
Notice whether they take responsibility for their part in conflicts or consistently blame others. Do they seek understanding or simply want to be right? The way people narrate their challenges reveals their self-awareness, empathy, and ability to grow from difficult experiences. Someone who can acknowledge their mistakes and learn from them shows emotional intelligence that goes far beyond surface-level interactions.
Observe Their Body Language During Conversations
Since body language is a natural, unconscious language that broadcasts your true feelings and intentions, they’ll likely choose the nonverbal message. In some instances, what comes out of your mouth and what you communicate through your body language may be two totally different things. Microexpressions (brief displays of emotion on the face), hand gestures, and posture all register in the human brain almost immediately – even when a person is not consciously aware they have perceived anything. For this reason, body language can strongly color how an individual is perceived, and how he or she, in turn, interprets others’ motivation, mood, and openness.
Watch for inconsistencies between what someone says and how their body responds. Do their eyes light up when discussing certain topics? Do they become defensive when particular subjects arise? For example, when you cross your arms, it shows your defensiveness. It can also indicate that you’re trying to protect yourself from something or that you’re closing yourself off from further interaction with another person or a group of people. These nonverbal cues often reveal more truth than carefully chosen words.
Notice What They Do When Nobody’s Watching
Our cross-validated results reveal that specific patterns in behaviors in the domains of 1) communication and social behavior, 2) music consumption, 3) app usage, 4) mobility, 5) overall phone activity, and 6) day- and night-time activity are distinctively predictive of the Big Five personality traits. The accuracy of these predictions is similar to that found for predictions based on digital footprints from social media platforms and demonstrates the possibility of obtaining information about individuals’ private traits from behavioral patterns passively collected from their smartphones.
Their private moments reveal authentic character. Do they return lost items they find? How do they behave when stuck in traffic with no one to impress? Personality affects both thinking and behavior. Some people are dutiful, so they take their responsibilities in life seriously, and always show up prepared and on time. The small actions they take when they think no one is looking often tell the biggest stories about who they really are.
These unguarded moments strip away social performance and reveal genuine values. Someone who helps a stranger without expecting recognition shows kindness that runs deeper than polite social behavior.
Pay Attention to What Makes Them Genuinely Laugh
You know the saying, “Laughter is the best medicine”? Well, as it turns out, it also may be one of the best signs of a deep connection in a relationship. Studies have shown that shared laughter is a key indicator of romantic attraction and satisfaction in relationships. It signals that you’re on the same wavelength and can find joy and humor in the same situations.
Humor preferences reveal personality, intelligence, and values more than most people realize. Do they laugh at others’ misfortunes or find joy in clever wordplay? Are they drawn to dark humor, silly puns, or observational comedy? A shared sense of humor and inside jokes signify a unique bond where you and the other person find humor in things that only the two of you truly understand. Research shows that shared humor creates a deeper connection by highlighting your exclusive understanding of each other’s quirks and experiences, making your relationship feel even more special.
Someone’s sense of humor is like a window into their soul. It shows you what they find meaningful, what they consider important, and how they process the complexities of life.
Discover How They Handle Stress and Pressure
Crisis moments strip away facades faster than anything else. When deadlines loom or unexpected challenges arise, you see someone’s true coping mechanisms and priorities. Do they become aggressive, withdraw completely, or channel their energy into problem-solving?
Personality affects both thinking and behavior. Some people are dutiful, so they take their responsibilities in life seriously, and always show up prepared and on time. Others are more spontaneous and willing to “go with the flow.” They have a carefree approach to life, but sometimes that involves taking unnecessary risks or neglecting obligations. Stressful situations reveal whether someone takes responsibility, blames external factors, or simply falls apart.
The way people handle pressure also shows their resilience, emotional regulation, and leadership potential. These qualities often predict how they’ll behave in important life situations and relationships.
Ask About Their Childhood Dreams and Current Aspirations
To really get to on a deeper level, we need to spend time in their company and ask some pertinent questions. Get to know what is most important to them in order to truly and more personally know them. And then think about whether both of your priorities line up together. Dreams reveal values, fears, and what drives someone at their core.
Understanding what someone wanted to become as a child shows their natural interests and passions before societal expectations shaped them. Current aspirations reveal their present values and life direction. Share passions, dreams, and aspirations: Create opportunities to be open and transparent with others about your passions – and share, share, share! When we are open with others we send signals that we trust them with things that are personal to us. We bring people into our private space and trust that they will not harm us. When we share our passions, dreams, and aspirations we are letting others know we think of them as close friends, and we are comfortable confiding in them.
The gap between childhood dreams and adult reality also tells you about their journey, compromises they’ve made, and whether they’ve maintained their core identity through life’s challenges.
Observe How They Listen to Others
To get to more deeply, the most important lesson to learn is listening. You can ask all the questions you want, but to know the “right” questions to ask a specific person, active listening is key. The thing you should master the most to get deep connection with people and reach their highly hierarchical needs is the art of listening! When I say emphatic listening I mean listening with the intent to understand, or more… to deeply understand, it’s not about us but about the other person and what is he feeling.
Watch how they respond when others share problems or excitement. Do they offer immediate solutions, truly empathize, or make everything about themselves? Validating is mainly about understanding what the other person is experiencing making them sense that their feelings are totally justified, and that’s what people are really looking for when they are exposing their inner world to you. That’s why you have to make sure, before you start talking, to take a step back and reconsider the whole context including the experience of the person that you are talking to.
Great listeners ask follow-up questions and remember details from previous conversations. They create safe spaces where others feel heard and understood. This quality reveals emotional intelligence, empathy, and genuine interest in human connection.
Look at Their Relationship Patterns
An emotional connection is a feeling of alignment and intimacy between two people that goes beyond just physical attraction, having fun together, surface-level conversations, or even intellectual similarities. Instead, it feels like you’re connecting on a deeper soul level – and feel secure connecting that deeply. The way someone approaches relationships reveals their attachment style, emotional availability, and capacity for intimacy.
Do they have long-lasting friendships or constantly cycle through people? How do they talk about their family members and romantic partners? It’s about knowing their fears, dreams, aspirations, and the experiences that made them who they are today. This level of understanding can’t be achieved overnight. It’s a result of countless conversations, shared experiences, and mutual vulnerability. It’s about letting your guard down and allowing your partner to see you for who you truly are – and vice versa.
Pay attention to whether they take responsibility for relationship problems or always blame the other person. Their relationship history is often the best predictor of future relationship behavior.
Notice Their Response to Vulnerability
You see, how open you are to someone influences how quickly they’re going to connect with you. Research shows we’re generally attracted to people who self-disclose – let us in on information about themselves. When you share something personal, their reaction tells you everything about their emotional maturity and capacity for deep connection.
Do they reciprocate with their own vulnerability, offer support, or become uncomfortable and change the subject? By being honest with each other, it helps you develop deeper levels of trust, which improves intimacy. By being honest with each other, it helps you develop deeper levels of trust, which improves intimacy. Someone who can handle your vulnerability with care and respond authentically is someone capable of genuine intimacy.
It means you trust them completely, and they make you feel safe and secure. You’re not afraid to share your worries or fears with them – in fact, you want them to know because you believe they can help or at least provide a comforting word or a warm hug. This willingness to be vulnerable shows that you’re not just in a relationship with this person – they’re your partner in the truest sense of the word. The way people handle emotional openness reveals whether they’re ready for meaningful relationships or still hiding behind protective walls.
Conclusion
Truly knowing someone is an art that requires patience, observation, and genuine curiosity. These ten methods will help you move beyond surface-level interactions to understand the authentic person beneath the social masks we all wear. Remember that deep connections don’t happen overnight, but the insights you gain through these approaches will enrich your relationships in ways you never expected.
The beautiful thing about using these techniques is that they work both ways. As you become better at truly seeing others, you’ll also gain deeper self-awareness and become more authentic in your own interactions. What patterns do you notice in the people closest to you? Tell us in the comments.
