Understanding emotional instability can be crucial for recognizing when you or someone you care about might be struggling with intense feelings and unpredictable reactions. Emotional instability isn’t just about having bad days or occasional mood swings. It can be overwhelming, uncontrollable, and can damage one’s self-confidence, decision-making abilities, and relationships.
When you think about emotional instability, imagine someone whose feelings are like a roller coaster that never stops. Emotional instability usually means some unpredictability in emotions and reactions to events. For example, an event happens, and one would expect a certain reaction but receives a completely different reaction. These patterns can significantly impact daily functioning and interpersonal relationships.
So let’s explore the telltale signs that might indicate you’re dealing with emotional instability, whether in yourself or others.
Difficulty Calming Down After Emotional Episodes
One of the most obvious warning signs you might notice is when someone struggles to return to baseline after becoming upset. Having a hard time calming down is one of the most obvious signs of emotional instability. You may not possess the skills necessary to self-soothe and de-escalate from intense feelings, and your emotions tend to become more and more aroused.
This inability to regulate emotions can manifest in various ways. Someone with this problem may hold onto their anger, sadness, or shame long after the trigger has passed. They may also have a habit of replaying past conflicts in their mind, which stirs up more emotions. You might find yourself ruminating on situations that happened days or even weeks ago, keeping your emotional wounds fresh and preventing natural healing.
Extreme Mood Swings That Feel Unpredictable
The most common signs of emotional instability include rapid and frequent mood changes, unexpected emotional reactions, and difficulty calming down. These aren’t just minor fluctuations in how you feel throughout the day.
Picture this scenario: you’re feeling fantastic one moment, perhaps even euphoric about something good that happened. Then, without much warning, you crash into despair or rage over something that might seem trivial to others. Shifting moods are common for anyone, but when they frequently happen at the snap of the finger, it may be a sign someone is struggling with emotional balance. Think of this as a roller coaster of emotions. Almost without warning, the person may become agitated or sad, and sometimes for no apparent reason.
Impulsive Actions Without Considering Consequences
When emotions take control, rational thinking often gets pushed aside. You may find yourself making big life decisions on a whim like adopting a puppy, breaking up with your partner, or moving to a new city. These impulsive behaviors often happen during moments of intense emotional arousal.
An impulsive behavior is when you act quickly with no thought to the consequences. There’s nothing on your mind beyond that exact moment. You might find yourself saying things you don’t mean, making purchases you can’t afford, or engaging in risky activities that later leave you wondering what you were thinking. The key difference is that these actions feel completely necessary in the moment, even though you often regret them later.
Unstable and Intense Relationships
Your relationships might feel like emotional battlegrounds where everything is either perfect or terrible. A notable feature of BPD is the tendency to engage in idealization and devaluation of others – that is to idealize and subsequently devalue others – oscillating between extreme admiration and profound mistrust or dislike. This pattern, referred to as “splitting”, can significantly influence the dynamics of interpersonal relationships.
If someone close to you always seems to be burning bridges with old friends or family members, or otherwise seems to have trouble maintaining their relationships, it could be a sign of emotional instability. Those that have exhibited emotional instability often have problems with relationships with others, including personal relationships and relationships at work. You might notice patterns of intense connections followed by dramatic endings, leaving both you and others emotionally exhausted.
Disproportionate Emotional Reactions
When your emotional responses don’t match the situation at hand, it’s often a red flag. If you frequently feel that your emotional responses do not match the situation, this may be a sign of instability. For example, you may feel extreme anger after mild feedback, burst into tears during minor disagreements, or experience panic in situations others find manageable.
These reactions might leave you feeling confused about your own responses. These moments are often automatic and can feel out of your control. Others around you might seem puzzled or concerned when you react strongly to situations they perceive as minor or routine.
Fear of Abandonment and Rejection
An overwhelming dread of being left alone can drive many emotionally unstable behaviors. Fear of abandonment stands out as a core symptom for many with Borderline Personality Disorder. It can lead to intense emotional reactions when individuals perceive they might be left alone or rejected. This fear can consume your thoughts and influence every interaction.
People with emotion management issues often do not have strong coping mechanisms to deal with criticism and rejection. They may find themselves swept by extreme emotions at the slightest sign of rejection, so they may just do what they can to avoid feeling that way. You might constantly seek reassurance from others, interpret neutral comments as rejection, or desperately try to prevent people from leaving your life.
Inability to See Others’ Perspectives
A person with extreme and unstable emotions can get caught up in their own head. They may struggle to see a world outside of themselves, making it difficult to empathise with others or see perspectives apart from their own. This tunnel vision during emotional episodes can damage relationships and create misunderstandings.
The person can’t see other people’s points of view. Being able to see other people’s points of view helps us remain even-keeled emotionally. For example, if you can understand why something is a big deal to someone else, even if it’s not to you, then you can react with understanding rather than exasperation, or by getting angry at their anger. When you’re caught in emotional turmoil, it becomes nearly impossible to step outside your own experience and consider how others might be feeling.
Self-Destructive Coping Mechanisms
When overwhelming emotions hit, you might turn to harmful behaviors to find relief. To manage their intense emotions and fears, individuals with abandonment trauma may develop various coping mechanisms as a way of self-medicating. These can include substance abuse, overeating, or other addictive behaviors as a way to numb the pain or distract themselves from their anxiety.
While these behaviors may offer temporary relief, they often exacerbate the underlying issues and lead to further emotional and physical health problems. You might find yourself engaging in risky behaviors, self-harm, excessive spending, or substance use as ways to escape from the intensity of your feelings, even though you know these choices ultimately make things worse.
Chronic Feelings of Emptiness
Beyond the dramatic ups and downs, you might experience a persistent sense of hollowness inside. Symptoms such as dissociation, a pervasive sense of emptiness, and distorted sense of self are prevalent. This isn’t just occasional boredom or sadness but a deeper feeling that something fundamental is missing.
This emptiness can feel like a void that nothing seems to fill, no matter how hard you try. You might constantly search for something or someone to make you feel whole, but the satisfaction never lasts. The emptiness often drives you to seek increasingly intense experiences or relationships in an attempt to feel something meaningful.
Hypervigilance in Relationships
With the fear of abandonment, you are hypervigilant and always watch out for signs that your partner is losing interest in you. You are constantly second-guessing your relationship, becoming suspicious when your partner is not around, responding to you, or replying to your messages. This constant state of alert can be exhausting for both you and your loved ones.
Hypervigilance is another common sign of abandonment trauma. Those affected may constantly monitor their environment and relationships for signs of potential abandonment. This heightened state of alertness can be exhausting stressful, as they are always on guard, anticipating the next loss or rejection. You might analyze every text message, facial expression, or change in tone for hidden meanings that suggest rejection or loss of interest.
Understanding these signs of emotional instability is the first step toward getting help and developing healthier coping strategies. Remember that emotional instability often stems from past experiences and isn’t something you should face alone. Professional therapy can provide valuable tools for managing intense emotions and building more stable relationships. With proper support and treatment, it’s entirely possible to develop better emotional regulation skills and create the stable, fulfilling life you deserve.
What do you think about these signs? Have you recognized any of them in your own life or relationships? Tell us in the comments.
